Missing Things

During one of the many sleepless nights I have had recently, I came to a realization. I am completely in the dark whether this is a good thing or not but, I have discovered that there are only a a few things I will miss when I leave Ohio.

Of course I shall my miss my daughters. They have their own lives here in Ohio and will be staying. This is the major downside to raising capable adults, however, it is nice to see they are settled. I shall miss my home. I love this old house and I doubt I will find anything remotely as charming in Colorado. At least not that I can afford.

I will miss the few friends I have. I say few because honestly, there are only a handful of people I can call friends and count on. The vast majority of people I know here are merely acquaintances and some of those I though were friends but once they didn't need anything from me anymore...they stopped talking to me.

I will miss the "small town" feel, the ability to let my kids play in the yard and not worry someone is snatching them from my backyard. Knowing the schools and the kids that attend them. Knowing the police officers by sight if not by name and the things that make small communities adorable. The Struthers Day BBQ is always a good time. Being able to decide to walk to Circle K at 11pm at night and not worry about having to carry mace.

All that being said, I am also missing things already. I am missing...me. The past two and a half years have changed me and I am not sure it has been for the better. Working nights takes its toll on a person's psyche and personality. It wears one out in more that just energy, it wears out your soul. My spirit is exhausted and I am hoping that I can find the woman I was because I am not content with the woman I am now. I used to be cheerful and energetic. Now I just want to be left alone. I don't have the energy to be a part of the world around me. I know it's temporary but it's still disheartening. I want to feel like the bright light I used to be and not the dim bulb I am now.

I watch people around me and I know others feel the same way I do. That the heaviness of life has turned them into hunched over shadows of their former selves and I also know that this is not irreversible. It can be corrected but it takes time to find the proper "remedy".

No I am not depressed so don't anyone worry. I am just truly bone tired, as tired and a human can possibly be. :D

PAX East - Battlefield 4 - Life

Since people have been asking me, no I am not attending PAX East this year. The reasons are many but it comes down to some pretty basic facts:

1. I don't get paid to be there and no one pays my way to get there. This means that a trip to PAX can cost me around $1800-$2k all said and done. I am planning to move to Colorado this year and my money is precious. Plus, with the new company taking over my husband's place of employment, vacation time is a bit odd.

2. I am not writing much anymore. I moved over to new website and am doing more editing and guiding than writing. Plus, there are far more people trying to get those few press passes that are available to our site. Honestly, I could probably get one easy enough but, it's not really fair if I am not writing as much as someone else and again, see above.

I do wish I could go though. I have many people I look forward to seeing there every year and I absolutely adore haunting the Indie Game area. I could spend an entire weekend there. Alas, it cannot be and I am not sure if, or when, it will ever be again. Maybe one year I can go as a normal human type and just enjoy it without working.


So I played the Battlefield 4 multiplayer and I can say without hesitation that DICE brought back the fun that was missing in BF3. Battlefield Bad Company 2 is still my favorite but BF4 comes in at a close second. That being said.....FIX YOUR SHIT! There is nothing more annoying that playing online and when an explosion happens - the entire thing freezes and the only way to rectify it is to shut down my xbox and restart. This means a loss of unlocks and valuable XP. It happens at least once a day and it's pretty fucking annoying. *gasp I cursed! I must be mad*

So last night I had a weird dream involving crew members from Star Trek TNG and a group of people trying to bury their grandmother next to a lake. I have no idea why these things combined. There were aliens too but I seemed most concerned with the people trying to illegally bury this woman next to the lake and how awful the stench was. The TNG crew was running around scanning crap. I'd hate to think what Freud would say.

Battlefield 4 Campaign/ New Year's

I hope everyone had a nice holiday, I know I did. 

My lovely daughter gave me Battlefield 4 for Christmas and I finally got around to playing the campaign, on hard. The story was pretty good and I enjoyed the challenge but I did notice that while playing the last chapter, the audio got buggy. It would fade in an out, and it wasn't due to where my character was standing. In fact, I missed a bit of the dialogue because it would get impossible to hear.

Also, I got the absolute worst checkpoint. I died and literally the checkpoint was 1.5-2 seconds before my death. This meant that if I tried to start again from that point, I'd die immediately. I had to replay the entire mission over. It was rather disappointing, honestly. 

Other than that, it was a great experience. I didn't feel bonded to the characters but it was entertaining to play. I liked the fact there are collectibles within the game and the point system is interesting though I don't know if I will attempt to go back and try to beat the point levels to get achievements. I don't know if I liked the story enough to replay it over and over. 

I still need to delve into the multiplayer but first, I need to finish up other games. 

My New Year's resolutions: finish getting back into shape, get more organized and OMG get rid of some of my gaming backlog. The backlog sits there and mocks me. So does my husband. He just loves pointing out how many games we have that I haven't finished or played. 

Call of Duty: Ghosts - Done and Dusted

 I finished the single player campaign on Ghosts and it is your typical storyline. You are a bad ass and must seek out the enemy and kill him. Granted, this does have a tiny twist to the story but all in all, it follows the formula.

Unlike Modern Warfare 2, this campaign offered a little challenge on veteran. MW2 was a waltz and nothing compares to the difficulty of the veteran campaigns for World at War and Modern Warfare (don't get me started on Mile High. Only achievement I do NOT have). Still, it wasn't that hard. 

I did enjoy the graphics but being from San Diego, I was partial to the opening mission. Yes, that is in fact what the inland area of San Diego looks like. All Spanish style, housing developments with houses that all look similar. Swimming underwater was interesting as well as the space missions. It lent a different feel to the game and helped break up the monotony of military bases and cruisers. 

It ended with a "surprise" (not really) and left the door open for Ghosts 2. 

Multiplayer is a big disappointment. There are bugs, serious bugs. The whole multiplayer experience feels lacking and ranking/unlocks have become rather complicated, further detracting from the game mode itself. Lobby hacking is in full force. You can find yourself thrown into a boosting lobby or one where someone is "out of the map" thus invincible. Then there are the spawn points. Those need to be randomized. More often than not, you will find yourself the victim of a spawn death, spawning behind/in front of an enemy or my favorite, spawning in the middle of the whole team. It's easy for teams to camp one side of a map and know where the other team will appear death after death.  The dogs are a real problem. You can hit them with a grenade, a rocket and fire bullets at them only to have them survive it all and kill you. 

Some of the game modes are fun. I have thoroughly enjoyed Blitz and Squad and the Extinction mode can be great with a good team of friends. Though it really is a Firefight/Zombies knock-off. Infinity Ward is definitely trying to appease fans of Treyarch's zombie mode. 

A real patch is needed, not the small patch IW released earlier this week. They didn't address all the problems. 

I am back...again

I have been remiss in my postings but the last couple of months went from hectic to OMFG!

Things have calmed down now, so I can get back to boring everyone with the random crap that pops into my brain. Aren't you pleased? lol

Let's see...I finished Far Cry 3. Fantastic game. The voice acting was superb and there was enough tedious side quests to thrill me but not so many I wanted to club a baby seal. I got go to hang gliding. How cool is that?! Honestly, if you have picked this one up yet, go get it now. It'll give you hours of enjoyment.

I started Dragon Age Origins (again). Having fun with this one too. If Alistair was a real man, in my real life, I'd so date him. I love his snarky humor. Plus he comes off as a little awkward. Sorry hubby, you have competition.

I also started Dark Souls. Now having played Demon's Souls, I knew it was going to be rough but at this point in the game, I have died so often, I have completely lost the plot. No really. I have absolutely no idea what the story is anymore. I'll trudge through some more and see if I can pick up the story again.

On a sad note, my PS3 has died. I need to get it repaired but that's $130 I don't have right now. Yes, I will repair it. It's an original 60GB, 100% backwards compatible model. So not giving it up.

My 3 yr old is potty-trained now, thankfully, but requires an audience for every bathroom trip. Sorry but whomever coined the phrase "Terrible Twos" should have waited a year. The threes are far worse. Now I have to get to quit crawling into bed with me at night. I have no idea how someone 2 ft tall and around 30 lbs can take up 90% of a queen size bed.

I finally quit my job. Yes, it's true. I am done with my night job. As awesome as it is to be back at home with my kids full time, I am finding it a difficult adjustment. My body clock is not fully on daylight hours and I am finding the demands of the house to be exhausting - more so than they should be. I am suffering from some loneliness too. I got used to interacting with people on a daily basis (face to face). Now? Not so much. Plus I have Christmas and a move to Colorado looming in the future. I'll adjust though. It'll just take time.

Well that's all in a nutshell, so far. :)

A Mother's Dilemma

 A weirdness has taken hold of my life and today it came to a head. First, I will remind you all that I have five children with ages ranging from 22 to 3. It's odd to have one child graduate from college while you are attempting to potty train another. Believe me, it is super surreal. 

 Today all that strangeness came full circle, I guess. My oldest daughter moved into her own apartment in Cleveland today. So here we were packing the car to take some of her things to her new place (we have more that needs to go) and I am trying to coax the 3 year old into "pooping on the potty". When I stopped to think about it, it gave me pause. I am proud of the fact my daughter felt "ready to launch" and start her life on her own but I do admit it makes me a little sad. I will miss having her around to talk to. My 3 yr old is crushed. She adores her big sisters and now, the last one has moved (my 19 yr old went off to college and never came back home). Poor Lily is left with her two older brothers now. 

 I have never let my kids growing up bother me. Both girls are about an hour away from me, in different directions. However, when I finally get moved to Colorado, I think I will feel the separation more keenly. I won't be able to just drive over to see them and they won't be able to call up and say they are coming over. It'll be a two-day drive or a hefty ticket price to visit. My younger kids will miss both their sisters too. I have no idea how I am going to handle helping the youngest two to grasp the distance but I know they will adjust. 

Skype will get a workout in the future. 

 I also came to the realization that when I start packing the house up totally for the move to Colorado, I will be doing it alone since the Spousal Unit will already be in Colorado. That is a daunting thought and I have no idea how I am going to manage it. I have a 4-bedroom home with a garage and basement to deal with. I have less than a year to purge and pack. I need a dumpster. 

Up to 18 Now on Xbox 360

I have managed to finish two more games on the Xbox 360 to 100% completion in the past couple of days. Number 17 was Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7 and number 18 was Borderlands 2. I am feeling very proud of myself at this point, especially Borderlands 2. Of course that 100% will change when Gearbox drops the next two DLC packs later this year. It also means I will be forced to try that much harder to keep the 100% standing.

 I am not sure what game I am going to move onto now. Not sure I want to start another Lego game, actually. I do have quite a few games I own but have never played though I do not think I will even attempt to get all the achievements in those. I do not try to 100% every game I own. I know I cannot, especially the games that have multiplayer achievements. I hate MP achievements.

You know, I have a few games on the Playstation 3 I have 100% on as well. Maybe I will finish Flower and Unfinished Swan. I think I need to sit down and figure out my complete game total, Xbox 360 and PS3. 

 On a more personal note, Monday we find out exactly how badly the new company is going to screw us and we will have a better idea of when we will be moving. I loathe the idea of leaving my lovely home for an ugly ranch-style in Colorado but I know we must go. It makes the best financial sense. I am shooting to be out of my job by the end of September so I can start the whole packing and sorting project full force. 

I have no idea what the future will bring but I must face it head on and look it straight in the eye. I am positive there is a reason why fate is playing this hand and I will just have to see it through.