Today I fell in love with a simple word....we. If someone would have told me that 'we' was the best word in the English language, up until today I would have disagreed. However, this little word made my heart light up with joy today. We. This minuscule word carries unexpected weight in a relationship. We. It has so many meanings and implications.
We are a team. We have a life together. I see you as a part of me. I can't imagine doing anything without you. I want to support you. We. We is a word of love.
Today I fell in love with 'we'.
Saturday, November 9, 2019
Monday, November 4, 2019
Therapy, Weddings, and Other Things
Today I had another therapy appointment and it is helping me to come to grips with my husband leaving me, me feeling worthless and useless, and finding some peace learning that I am still important even if he didn't think so. I like my therapist a lot and I recommend therapy to anyone that needs help finding their balance so to speak. She also emphasized that I set my boundaries and for me to not be afraid to say I can't handle something. I don't have to be nice and take the hits to keep the peace and I am allowed to say leave me alone.
Today we touched on dating after a marriage ends. I told her about Dave and shockingly she thought it was a fantastic idea and situation. I thought for sure I'd get the usual lecture about healing, taking time to be alone, etc. However, she said if I was ready to get back on the horse than I should go riding. Of course I laughed like a 12 year old at that statement.
The Dave situation seems to be going well. It's all still a little confusing and I am still coming to grips with my feelings of remorse, self-loathing, and regret. He seems to really want to be in it for the long haul so with his support it'll get better. The little ones adore him and he adores them too. SO all in all, it's a good thing.
My oldest daughter is getting married next September. I am not sure what's going to happen. DO I get a plus one and bring Dave? Is the ex going to bring his little girl girlfriend? I am going to have to see both my exes at this wedding and I really want someone there on my side, so I hope Dave comes.
My oldest son is getting ready to move out. I am thrilled he is well enough. Unfortunately, I am not moving to Colorado now so it's a little anti-climatic for me but I couldn't be happier for him. I hope it all works out and he doesn't need to come home. I want him well enough to be independent.
Today we touched on dating after a marriage ends. I told her about Dave and shockingly she thought it was a fantastic idea and situation. I thought for sure I'd get the usual lecture about healing, taking time to be alone, etc. However, she said if I was ready to get back on the horse than I should go riding. Of course I laughed like a 12 year old at that statement.
The Dave situation seems to be going well. It's all still a little confusing and I am still coming to grips with my feelings of remorse, self-loathing, and regret. He seems to really want to be in it for the long haul so with his support it'll get better. The little ones adore him and he adores them too. SO all in all, it's a good thing.
My oldest daughter is getting married next September. I am not sure what's going to happen. DO I get a plus one and bring Dave? Is the ex going to bring his little girl girlfriend? I am going to have to see both my exes at this wedding and I really want someone there on my side, so I hope Dave comes.
My oldest son is getting ready to move out. I am thrilled he is well enough. Unfortunately, I am not moving to Colorado now so it's a little anti-climatic for me but I couldn't be happier for him. I hope it all works out and he doesn't need to come home. I want him well enough to be independent.
Friday, November 1, 2019
Real Bodies
I was in a Discord chatroom and the discussion of what we wear at home in front of our children came up. People were actually surprised that I will walk around my house in my undies, t-shirt, and no bra. I have 2 sons, 21 and 13, and a 9 year old daughter still living at home.
You know what? I have no regrets dressing this way in front of them. Want to know why? They all know what most women really look like. The cellulite, the rolls, the flab, the muscles, the sag, the imperfections that 90% of women have. Rather than only seeing the airbrushed photos of models with seemingly perfect figures, they get to see what the woman they love and respect looks like. Hopefully this will translate into them loving their own flaws and the flaws of the people they fall in love with. It's the person that matters, not the shell they walk around in. I am showing them confidence as well. If i can defiantly walk around in booty short undies and have no fucks to give, maybe they will be confident in themselves as well.
Love thyself.
You know what? I have no regrets dressing this way in front of them. Want to know why? They all know what most women really look like. The cellulite, the rolls, the flab, the muscles, the sag, the imperfections that 90% of women have. Rather than only seeing the airbrushed photos of models with seemingly perfect figures, they get to see what the woman they love and respect looks like. Hopefully this will translate into them loving their own flaws and the flaws of the people they fall in love with. It's the person that matters, not the shell they walk around in. I am showing them confidence as well. If i can defiantly walk around in booty short undies and have no fucks to give, maybe they will be confident in themselves as well.
Love thyself.
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