Missing Things

During one of the many sleepless nights I have had recently, I came to a realization. I am completely in the dark whether this is a good thing or not but, I have discovered that there are only a a few things I will miss when I leave Ohio.

Of course I shall my miss my daughters. They have their own lives here in Ohio and will be staying. This is the major downside to raising capable adults, however, it is nice to see they are settled. I shall miss my home. I love this old house and I doubt I will find anything remotely as charming in Colorado. At least not that I can afford.

I will miss the few friends I have. I say few because honestly, there are only a handful of people I can call friends and count on. The vast majority of people I know here are merely acquaintances and some of those I though were friends but once they didn't need anything from me anymore...they stopped talking to me.

I will miss the "small town" feel, the ability to let my kids play in the yard and not worry someone is snatching them from my backyard. Knowing the schools and the kids that attend them. Knowing the police officers by sight if not by name and the things that make small communities adorable. The Struthers Day BBQ is always a good time. Being able to decide to walk to Circle K at 11pm at night and not worry about having to carry mace.

All that being said, I am also missing things already. I am missing...me. The past two and a half years have changed me and I am not sure it has been for the better. Working nights takes its toll on a person's psyche and personality. It wears one out in more that just energy, it wears out your soul. My spirit is exhausted and I am hoping that I can find the woman I was because I am not content with the woman I am now. I used to be cheerful and energetic. Now I just want to be left alone. I don't have the energy to be a part of the world around me. I know it's temporary but it's still disheartening. I want to feel like the bright light I used to be and not the dim bulb I am now.

I watch people around me and I know others feel the same way I do. That the heaviness of life has turned them into hunched over shadows of their former selves and I also know that this is not irreversible. It can be corrected but it takes time to find the proper "remedy".

No I am not depressed so don't anyone worry. I am just truly bone tired, as tired and a human can possibly be. :D

PAX East - Battlefield 4 - Life

Since people have been asking me, no I am not attending PAX East this year. The reasons are many but it comes down to some pretty basic facts:

1. I don't get paid to be there and no one pays my way to get there. This means that a trip to PAX can cost me around $1800-$2k all said and done. I am planning to move to Colorado this year and my money is precious. Plus, with the new company taking over my husband's place of employment, vacation time is a bit odd.

2. I am not writing much anymore. I moved over to new website and am doing more editing and guiding than writing. Plus, there are far more people trying to get those few press passes that are available to our site. Honestly, I could probably get one easy enough but, it's not really fair if I am not writing as much as someone else and again, see above.

I do wish I could go though. I have many people I look forward to seeing there every year and I absolutely adore haunting the Indie Game area. I could spend an entire weekend there. Alas, it cannot be and I am not sure if, or when, it will ever be again. Maybe one year I can go as a normal human type and just enjoy it without working.


So I played the Battlefield 4 multiplayer and I can say without hesitation that DICE brought back the fun that was missing in BF3. Battlefield Bad Company 2 is still my favorite but BF4 comes in at a close second. That being said.....FIX YOUR SHIT! There is nothing more annoying that playing online and when an explosion happens - the entire thing freezes and the only way to rectify it is to shut down my xbox and restart. This means a loss of unlocks and valuable XP. It happens at least once a day and it's pretty fucking annoying. *gasp I cursed! I must be mad*

So last night I had a weird dream involving crew members from Star Trek TNG and a group of people trying to bury their grandmother next to a lake. I have no idea why these things combined. There were aliens too but I seemed most concerned with the people trying to illegally bury this woman next to the lake and how awful the stench was. The TNG crew was running around scanning crap. I'd hate to think what Freud would say.

Battlefield 4 Campaign/ New Year's

I hope everyone had a nice holiday, I know I did. 

My lovely daughter gave me Battlefield 4 for Christmas and I finally got around to playing the campaign, on hard. The story was pretty good and I enjoyed the challenge but I did notice that while playing the last chapter, the audio got buggy. It would fade in an out, and it wasn't due to where my character was standing. In fact, I missed a bit of the dialogue because it would get impossible to hear.

Also, I got the absolute worst checkpoint. I died and literally the checkpoint was 1.5-2 seconds before my death. This meant that if I tried to start again from that point, I'd die immediately. I had to replay the entire mission over. It was rather disappointing, honestly. 

Other than that, it was a great experience. I didn't feel bonded to the characters but it was entertaining to play. I liked the fact there are collectibles within the game and the point system is interesting though I don't know if I will attempt to go back and try to beat the point levels to get achievements. I don't know if I liked the story enough to replay it over and over. 

I still need to delve into the multiplayer but first, I need to finish up other games. 

My New Year's resolutions: finish getting back into shape, get more organized and OMG get rid of some of my gaming backlog. The backlog sits there and mocks me. So does my husband. He just loves pointing out how many games we have that I haven't finished or played.