It is a fantastically stunning day today in my corner of Ohio. Too bad the state lock down because of the virus is in effect so it's hard to truly enjoy it.
My house is a Defcon 4 disaster so not too bad but not where I want it. My oldest son is moving out so things are in an even bigger disarray.
I ended up getting a 2 week, unpaid vacation because I got sick. Due to the nature of my job, the doctor refused to let me go to work. Did I get anything done here? Not really. I am too stressed about missing a whole paycheck.
Life is good though overall. My boyfriend is a wonderful human being that somehow manages to put up with my shit and makes me feel cared for despite myself. The little ones are doing great and my oldest girl is getting married this year. My second oldest just moved into a better and cheaper apartment and she loves her job. Things could only be better if my house was back the way I want it.
Chaos of mind brought chaos of living space and while it's okay.....it's not the way it used to be so I need to slowly purge and fix it. I did my 13 year old's room and he will be getting a new bed, upgrade to a double. He's ready to ditch the twin.
My boyfriend has plans for my year so it'll look pretty and cared for again. I gave him leave to do whatever he wants. I don't care what gets pulled out except the tree and the lilacs. The rest can go. Yes, even the roses.
I still have hard and dark days but they are fewer and far between. I am getting through the pain, self loathing, and anger I have felt for over 3 years. The way I was showed to look at myself, I am learning isn't correct. I am worthy, I am amazing, I am strong, and sure, I need a tune up but I am still desirable in my way.
